If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

I don`t like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour - it's a big difference. It's annoying - your feet hurt, your back hurts - it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy.