Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. It's not like there's only one city, and everybody's like 'What the f**k is this?' No, cities are all over the place. They're natural. You know what's not natural? You, in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the winter.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.