Mr. [John] Barrymore's smile was the smile of an actor who hates actors, and who knows that he is going to kill two or three before the play is over. I am not an actor-killer, but I like my Hamlets to dislike actors, if you know what I mean, and I think you don't.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.