Mr. [John] Barrymore's smile was the smile of an actor who hates actors, and who knows that he is going to kill two or three before the play is over. I am not an actor-killer, but I like my Hamlets to dislike actors, if you know what I mean, and I think you don't.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.