You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.