My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.