Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.