The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?