The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass, and some cracked ice.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.