A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

My head is buried in the sands of tomorrow, while my tail feathers are singed by the hot sun of today.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.