My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.
You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried; you float.
If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.