I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

Dying is the last thing I will ever do.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief.