My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.