I don't watch my movies. I just get too critical of myself.

I thought to myself, "Join the army!" It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it.

You know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home.

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything.

Like your job. Love your wife.

Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum