I don't want to have to start being unselfish again. The great thing about being on your own is you do what you damned well like.

Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers - which is why almost no technology ever works.

What's the bleedin' point?

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.