How to defend yourself against a banana

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.

I think the hard thing for young comedians is that the majority of the young people in the audience out there don't have the wide range of references.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

Your Mother was A Hamster and you Father Smelled of elder berries.

And now for something completely different...