Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.

Things don't exist until they exist.

My standup persona is like I'll heighten things, but I'm observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.

You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.

In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.

People having expectations maybe means they've enjoyed what I've done.