As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.

My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.

If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.