The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

I feel non-stop Brit shame!

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.