You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

By any rational metric, I am boring.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance.

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.

You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'