You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance.

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.