Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.