People are friendlier in New York than London.

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.

You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.

I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.