There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.