I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.