Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

Talking about sexual morality, I wouldn't agree that it's declining, but it's certainly changing. Young and old, we are very much in the process of taking a fresh look at the whole issue of morality. The only decline that's taking place - and it's about time - is in the old puritanical concept that sex is equated with sin.