I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.

Entertainment is like any other major industry; it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made; if you can't, you're out.

I can't say I ever wanted to become an entertainer. I already was one, sort of-around the house, at school, doing my magic tricks, throwing my voice and doing Popeye impersonations. People thought I was funny; so I kind of took entertaining for granted It was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.