The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style.

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I don't want but one woman. It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.