Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.