Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.