I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what I do - but I'm not one of those who believe that a successful entertainer is made by the public, as is so often said.

You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.