The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.

I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.