Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.

I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.