Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a loner. I get claustrophobia if a lot of people are around.

People are brought up to think, "It's nice to be modest. It's nice to hide your light under a bushel." Well, bullshit! I've never bought that. In my business, the only thing you've really got is your talent; it's the only thing you have to sell.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.