New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.

I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public.

Only lie about the future.