Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.