Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'

Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it.

The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.