Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.
Johnny CarsonGeorge Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny CarsonThe worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson