I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

I'm an entertainer; I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.

Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially if he's a comedian.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.