They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.