They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.