It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what I do - but I'm not one of those who believe that a successful entertainer is made by the public, as is so often said.