Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?

Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.