I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.