The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.

NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel.