Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.

They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.