The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

Like their parents, kids flock to see James Bond and Derek Flint movies - outrageously antiheroic heroes who break all the taboos, making attractive the very things the kids are told they shouldn't do themselves.

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.