Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?

Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.