Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.