As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.

If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.