I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.

May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a loner. I get claustrophobia if a lot of people are around.