Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.

People are brought up to think, "It's nice to be modest. It's nice to hide your light under a bushel." Well, bullshit! I've never bought that. In my business, the only thing you've really got is your talent; it's the only thing you have to sell.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.