Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.

They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.