Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.