[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.

You feel kind of weird cheering for chaos. There is that sense that the crazier it gets, the better off we are. Before, when I was part of the American public, I was hoping for a reasonable and quick solution to the impeachment process. Now, I'm hoping for partisan bedlam and chaos. It's really what serves me best.

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.

We all know what happens to celebrities when their time is up - rehab and then a stint on VH1.

People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.

As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36)

9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.