New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of $100, with an additional mandatory six-month jail sentence if your ringer plays a Latin-themed novelty song.

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US.

Gay people can't be proud of the country and want to defend it too. What's the army afraid is going to happen if gay people are in it. Private, shoot that man! I can't, he's adorable.

The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.