I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".

I would think black people think everything is about race. They are the ones who are on the outside of the game. They are the ones who face it every day.

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.

We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign up for Obamacare - and we'll see which happens first.

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.

Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.