Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.

I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.

Stephen Colbert is also then turned into news.

As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.

Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?