I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

Attorney General John Ashcroft bid farewell to the Justice Department with a goodbye address. The voluntary resignation came as a bit of a disappointment to the attorney general, who had hoped to be raptured out of office.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.

President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.