High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.

The thing that [the Senate and the House] don't realize is that everyone wants them to come from beyond that contradiction so that we can all fix it. Nobody is saying, "We don't have a problem." Nobody is saying that, "9/11 didn't happen." What they're saying is, "We're not a fragile country, trust us to have this conversation, so that we can do this in the right way, in a more effective way."

I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?

The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in.

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.